Strong Lay Leadership in a Small Congregation

Yes!  The small congregation really is the work of the people who are part of it.  A minister can help, sometimes in crucial ways, but the congregation must "belong" to its people.  Without active participation of a broad spectrum of members and friends, the small congregation cannot maintain itself.  There is no staff to take care of things no one wants to do, so commitment at a deep level is key (for sure, the minister does not want to be stuck with those tasks, either).

The trick is for the small congregation to allow the leaders to lead, and not to get bogged down in theoretical discussions on what is required for the strong lay leadership to maintain its place in the order of things.  When it is new to have strong professional leadership, this is a particularly touchy matter.

In my experience, the focus of the lay people's concern is strongly focused on Sunday mornings.  They worry about the Sunday service more than anything else. Will the minister "take over" everything so they end up dying of boredom, silenced in the pews? Speaking from my own experience, a minister who can work with the people to make sure there are a variety of voices heard on Sunday mornings can proceed to lead assertively in other areas, because those are not what everyone is watching.  I'd love to hear what others have experienced!

The minister in a small congregation can provide a kind of "glue" that is hard for even the strongest cadre of leaders to provide on their own, the glue of talking to people, sharing social media and email, even putting people in touch with one another. Generally, leaders get so involved in the work of leading that they talk mostly with other leaders, rather than reaching out to the entire congregation.  This creates an in-group feel that is uncomfortable for newer people who want to be involved.  Someone needs to be in touch with everyone. An administrator or religious education leader sometimes does this when there is no minister, but it really is one of the minister's important roles in a small congregation.

Systems need to be put in place to help new people move toward leadership, if that is their bent, or to deepen their background through adult classes, or to reach out in social service or social action.  The lay leadership needs to lead on many of these, and it is the minister's job to encourage them and point them in helpful directions.  Collaboration is key. Improved sense of purpose and higher energy are the result.

Of course, the key to successful collaboration is mutual trust.  The people need to trust the minister's professional expertise and experience; the minister needs to trust the people's experience in their own community and the many skills they bring from their lives and work.  So at first, everyone involved is cautiously feeling their way. As an interim minister, I am pretty much always at the beginning, but still, trust is where it starts. I feel that being trustworthy is one of the foundational practices for small church ministers.  Everything depends on people coming to trust, and you are only able to lead the way through example. Sometimes it works, and other times, not so well.  The only way is to keep trying until good things start to happen.  I love small congregations, and doing ministry with the ones I have served has been a real blessing!

More Shooting and Less Hope for Change

Dr.Janis Orlowski said it (as quoted by Maureen Down in Wednesday's New York Times), and it really resonates:

“There’s something evil in our society that we as Americans have to work to try and eradicate,” she said, her voice stoic but laced with emotion. On the day when she announced only hours earlier that she had submitted her resignation to take another job, she continued: “There’s something wrong here when we have these multiple shootings, these multiple injuries. There is something wrong, and the only thing that I can say is we have to work together to get rid of it. I would like you to put my trauma center out of business. I really would. I would like to not be an expert on gunshots.”

Calling it “a challenge to all of us,” she concluded: “This is not America.”

Yet, somehow, it is America. 

Let's notice how many of these shooters are young, troubled, white, and male.  Seriously, what's up with that?  Here's another piece of information:  "successful" suicide is carried out predominantly by men.  Nearly 80% of suicides are male.  White and Native American men have the highest rates; Wyoming, Alaska, and Montana have the highest rates.  Suicide is not a choice of young men, though.  It's older men who shoot (and hang) themselves.  Half of suicides are by firearm.

Something is wrong with the way men are finding their way in this America we have these days.  

We have to work together to get rid of whatever it is, and a little legislation, whether gun control or mental health care improvements, will not give us the solution.  Why are white men in despair and expressing it in such spectacular ways?  Is it the loss of all that "white male privilege" some of the rest of us have been complaining about for a generation or more? Is it the erosion of living standards from what might have been expected a generation ago? Is it something more subtle? And what kind of answer will move us forward?

Yes, strengthen our mental health care systems.  Yes, let's restrict access to firearms in sensible ways.   Yes, let's organize to fight back against the threats and intimidation of the gun lobby.  But let's not stop there.  

I am so tired of this.  America can do better.

A New Beginning

This is the time of year in Jewish communities when people go to one another to apologize for things they have done.  It's a custom observed with varying degrees of seriousness, but a time when relationships can really be repaired if people want to do it.  I'm thinking this is something we could be doing in Unitarian Universalist communities.  After all, most of us emphasize human relationships in our spiritual practice, rather than seeking a disembodied Holy.What could be more appropriate than taking time to strengthen and soften our human connections from time to time?

Taking time to notice how you have contributed to the messes in your relationships is a good way to begin..  Me, I like to plunge headlong into the next thing, leaving behind whatever might have been mended.  But even for me, there are some relationships that don't allow that.

Here we are, all together on this planet, getting more and more numerous, ever closer together, and the awful truth is there is no exit.  If we really believe in the "Family of Humankind," the love that erases all borders, and all that, what does that mean for the way we live?  Don't we have to seek reconciliation with those we have wronged and those who have wronged us?  Personally?

And why don't we do that as a religious practice?

I'm thinking this has everything to do with our origins in Protestant Christianity.  When we stopped believing we had to be good in order to please a God who would send us to hell if we weren't, we stopped repenting and atoning.  Guilt-free religion was our gift to the world.  Let those others grovel before their stingy God, repenting, hoping for salvation from on high.  We don't do that.

But there are real reasons for us to be good and to seek reconciliation with humans --indeed, with all beings -- reasons that have everything to do with our evolved, non-Protestant theology. The short form would be to say, if there is a God, we see God in all there is, and if we are not in harmony with any part of that, we need to make it right.  If there is no God, we still know we are connected with all that is, and desire for the connectivity to be harmonious invites us to reconciliation.

Turning from destructive behaviors in relationships (including our relationship with the planet herself) is of key importance.  No need to feel guilty about it.  Just do it.  I say, let's set aside a time during the year for this and get on with it.  Any suggestions?

An Inventory of the Soul

Awhile ago, I stopped actually subscribing to Tikkun magazine, but there are some things I learned there that stay with me.  Specifically, Rabbi Michael Lerner suggests we update the practice of Cheshbon Hanefesh, the inventory of the soul, undertaken in preparation for Yom Kippur.  If we want to do it, we have to hurry, because the High Holy Days begin today!  In this time of "repentance" (the Hebrew word means "turning"), a spiritual inventory is the basis for making changes and making amends.

Lerner's Repentance Workbook is beautiful and compelling.  See: http://www.tikkun.org/nextgen/tik15628.html

Here is the suggestion, in brief form:
Divide your life into broad categories, and review the quality of your living in each of them for the past year.

What is in and out of spiritual alignment ouin your relationships with
Parents

Spouse or partner

Friends

Others

A serious reflection on these would be a lot, and worth doing even if it's as far as you get.

Other provocative questions follow:

How spiritually nourishing is your work?  (and what can you do about it?)
     What about your relationships at work?
Have you been showing respect for your body?
Are you taking enough time to nourish your soul?
Are you putting enough of your energy into healing the world?

What would you change in the coming year?  How will you hold yourself accountable?
Lerner suggests having a partner for this work, so it won't be totally solitary and agonizing.

Making this an annual practice would help us keep our relationships with ourselves and others tuned up, spiritually.  Wouldn't that make life richer and more rewarding?  I'm seriously going to attend to this over the next ten days, maybe longer, and see what happens.