When the Middle is the End

Like many others of my generation, I turned to ministry later is life.  Now, with "normal" retirement age in the rearview mirror, I feel as if I am reaching the middle of my career in ministry.  This is a wacky place to be!

When speaking with my investment advisor about retirement, he said "Hold on!  You'll get there!" as if I must be eager to be finished working.  I assured him I am still having a lot of fun in my work and did not feel at all ready to retire. But retirement could present itself at any time at this age -- changes in health and energy could make it imperative. So the end is near... in some sense, I'm just stalling.

I have been working and learning and developing my judgment about how congregations work, what helps people pastorally, how to nourish myself and others spiritually, and much else.  I feel strong and competent, not old and tired.  And at the same time, I'm aware of being old and if not tired, at least a little less energetic. So there it is, the end and the middle at the same time!

I am tempted to ask, "What kind of capstone does this career arc have?"  But then I don't really answer.  Thinking too hard about this sort of thing has not served me particularly well.  I am drawn forward by the work itself, and so far, so good.  The challenge is to trust that the blending of middle and end will develop naturally.  I count my blessings, because this kind of thing can and does happen to people who started something at a "regular" age... When cancer calls, in particular, it can become necessary to wind things up just as the going seemed to be getting good. I truly am grateful to have this chance to have this problem.  I just want to handle it well.

My sermon this weekend has to do with the Odyssey. Quite apart from the message of the sermon, I'm remembering that when Odysseus finds his father for the first time as he is returning from being away for twenty years, the old man is tending some young fruit trees he has planted.  This is an image that guides me -- I may not be a party to all the harvests from the trees I plant and tend,. but I love the little trees and hope they grow, all the same.  Planting and tending.  It's a good way to make a life.  And there's no reason for an older person to stop doing it.

Endings and Beginnings with Small Congregations

As an interim minister, I do endings and beginnings in two year cycles.  As June approaches, I am deep into the process for the current cycle, making an ending with the Columbine Unitarian Universalist Church in Colorado and a beginning with the Glacier Unitarian Universalist Fellowship in Kalispell, Montana.  It's exciting and sad, scary and satisfying.

At times I wonder why I do this to myself, when I've come to love the people I'm with and started to know my way around the Denver area.  And before this, Mid-Coast Maine.  Of course there are people I will remember forever, and one or two who will be my friends in times to come.  But right now, I'm thinking in terms of un-friending my facebook friends from Columbine (I'll do that some time in July), having lunch with others to remember the things we have done together, making up things to say on Sunday and write in church newsletters and e-blasts that say how great it has been...  and I'm just sad to be going.  The cruise is ending. We'll reach the end of our journey together, and we will all have other things to do.

But it's exciting.  I'm going to Kalispell, to meet these new people and work with them.  I've already met a few of them, and I'll go briefly in June to get to know them better.  Some of them have become friends on facebook (I accept when congregation people ask, but do not ask them).  And they invited me to join their "group" on facebook.  They are offering to help find me a place to live.  I'm thrilled to be starting on a path to being their interim minister. The Flathead Valley is beautiful, and I'd like to get to know it better.  The prospect of being really close to excellent skiing is exciting, too.  Looks like there's a strong international folk dancing community there, though my other recent dance favorites, contra and Scottish country, seem to be pretty thin.  My favorite style of yoga is there, too.

And it's scary.  Just as any new thing is scary.  I know the minister who is leaving them -- she's really good.  Dynamic where I am laid back. Definite where I am tentative. I'll be different. More Earth than Fire.

What if...?  I try to dial it back to exciting and go on.

The most important thing is that it's satisfying.   I am basking in the success I've had with the Columbine congregation over the last two years.  After my experiences with both Columbine and Belfast, Maine, I'm convinced that this is really important work and that I am doing it with competence.  Watching congregations blossom with my guidance is tremendously gratifying.. Will it happen again?  Maybe that's part of the scary excitement.

I resolve to enter into this new experience as I entered into the others, with humility and attention.  I'll find out what's needed, and  we'll set about moving forward.  The road is open before me, leading to a new adventure.  One of the members of my Transition Team in Columbine made a special knot for the top of my ceremonial walking stick.  Blue and white, Columbine's colors.  It will be a good goodbye.

And hello is just up the road.

Art of the Possible in a Small Congregation

I was sitting in on a Board meeting, the first time I had been with this group of church leaders, so I was not saying much, intending to listen to the way they did business before I plunged in.  But there was a moment that seemed to need me.  The election for president had already happened, and the very capable new president was at the table in her role as outgoing vice president.  It had become clear that some people objected to what was about to happen:  her husband was going to have to remain as Finance chair.

"It's our policy not to have members of the same family in two roles as close as these," went the complaint.  Seemed like a reasonable policy, but as the conversation evolved, it became crystal clear that there was absolutely no one else qualified to serve as Finance chair.  As the Board went over the handful of possibilities, we could all see clearly that appointing anyone else would be an invitation to disaster. With no qualified alternative, the president's husband would end up being the de facto chair in any event.

Clearly, the group hadn't been paying attention to this situation in time to have avoided it.  If the wife was to become president, the Finance committee would have needed to be developing new leadership.  But that is not the way of a small congregation.  Nominating looks to the likely prospects for the slots they have to fill, and committees just plod along with the leadership they have until the chair either gets tired or moves on to another leadership role.  Thinking about leadership succession at the Board level is not well developed, and thinking about leadership succession in committees is a luxury beyond contemplation.  Sometimes committees don't even have multiple members!

At that time, in the meeting I was attending, there was clearly nothing to do.  "You are a small congregation," I said.  "It's not ideal to have this kind of family connection in these roles, but at the moment, it is what you need to do in order to function effectively."  I went on to offer to help committees organize themselves to have systems of evolving leadership.

The first thing is acceptance.  Just be who you are, and work with the possibilities you have.  Then move on to make new possibilities.  Love one another and do your best.  It sounds so simple, but in the moment, it can be dazzlingly difficult.

Joy of Small

Small congregations are special.   I find myself working with small Unitarian Universalist congregations, and loving them.  Worship can be informal and interactive.  People can share joys and sorrows without having it become burdensome (well, maybe from time to time...).  Children can be invited to make music.  Social hour becomes a time of real connection, the kind of communion we make jokes about, except that it really does have a spiritual dimension.  I love leading worship in small congregations!

Staff is limited, so the congregation does a great deal of making church happen. There's a lot of hands-on participation right in the church, from teaching children and making music to solving electrical mysteries and  fixing plumbing.  It's all ministry, more of a karma yoga kind of thing, and some people find it really attractive. It's maybe more of a challenge to find energy for ministries outside the congregation.  In one congregation I know, the person who became congregation president was also the most qualified to be Social Action chair, and there was a scramble to keep Social Action coordinated while she served.  Yet these congregations are often very active in their communities, finding in congregational life a good way to be with people they know doing things that fit with their values.  There is no need, says this minister, for a small church to be inward looking.  Of course, if we do a good job of "doing church," more people will come, and pretty soon the church won't be that small any more.  And of course, sometimes small congregations have ways of keeping too many people from coming and staying, and that is one of the mysteries to ponder.                 

The important thing is for the congregation to feel that it is truly a "beloved community," and at the same time have an open door for newcomers.  Welcoming is not as simple as it might seem at first glance, for  people can be cautious about inviting "just anyone" to be with them in the important business of being a congregation.  There's a need to cultivate a sense of openness, a confidence in who we are as a gathered community that allows others to come, try, and become part of it.  Just as visitors are believed to make up their minds quickly about a congregation, so too are congregation members sometimes quick to make up their minds about newcomers.  Openness.  It's something to cultivate.  Simple friendliness.  Being able to find things to talk about with people of different backgrounds and life stages.  Once, as I was working on this with a group in a small congregation, one of the long time members said, "I have enough friends."  This is not about having friends.  It's about sharing our religious journey with others.  It might save their life.  It might save yours!  Today's light and friendly conversation can be tomorrow's deep reflection together about life, the universe, and everything. Remember, it's all ministry. 

How Leaders Happen

At the Pacific Western Region UUA conference, I attended the day-long session "Grow Leaders," led by Ken Brown and Jeanelyse Doran Adams, a thoughtful, well-organized presentation of a lot of material in a relatively short and relatively painless way.  I left with a sense that a bunch of things I knew had a coherence that I had not appreciated before.  And on reflection, it seemed I also know some other things that are pretty important.  But you can't do it all in one day.

There should be coyotes, of course, since the whole conference was about adapting our way of being in the world and not staying stuck in an old rut that will end us up on the extinct-religions list, and coyotes are an emblem of adaptability.  These little future coyote leaders are from a blog, Ecotime, by someone known only as Wayne (http://ecotime.blogspot.com/2009_03_01_archive.html)

 Ken and Jeanelyse presented a ten point program for what they said would be leadership growth, but it's really much more general than that.  Their ten keys are a recipe for having a strong, effective, congregation, and they are very good.  At the center are personal faith and congregational mission and vision.  Nestling near them are trusting one another, communicating openly and well, dealing with conflict, being accountable, being willing to risk, supporting public witness, valuing results, and having fun together. It's all good.

Surely leaders emerge in an environment where all this is happening.  But the congregations I serve struggle to find the way to bring people into leadership roles, to allow the old leadership circle to move into other kinds of service. I do stress personal spiritual practice, and help the congregation understand its purpose or mission, or whatever name it may have at the time.  And surely it's important to work with them on building trust -- sometimes it's about forgiveness, sometimes about following through on commitments, sometimes something else.  Yes, dealing with conflict, too -- especially in the sense that if there are well established ways to handle disagreement, people may be less reluctant to step into roles where they may be targets of complaint or recipients of tirades about disagreements not involving them.  Are we civil with one another?  Do we act as if we respect everyone's worth and dignity?  Have we left that old "culture of umbrage" behind?  But the nitty gritty of it is very simple:  bring new people into active participation, first in doing things with others in church in whatever way, then in committee or task force participation, and gradually into leadership.

One of the important things about UU leadership is that we do it differently than many other places.  It's a leadership among peers.  While some newcomers arrive with great talent for and experience in leadership in other settings, putting them in charge of things right away is risky.  Time is needed to absorb Unitarian Universalism and our way of leading and following.  And time is needed for an established leadership group to find the relief (and challenge) of being replaced.  There will normally be a time when old leaders who don't want to do more must continue to be "recycled" and some new people who aren't quite ready may have to step up. The good communications and willingness to take risks definitely come into play as this process unfolds.  And through it all, a real openness to being accountable can help a great deal.

So thank you, Ken and Jeanelyse, for setting the framework in which the nitty-gritty steps I associate with leadership development can be successful.  I am struck once again by the realization that while techniques are important, there is something deeper -- something with roots in the spirit -- a loving intention to be active together in co-creating our congregations and our movement.

The Light of Change

I had an exciting time in San Jose, CA, at the first ever Pacific Western Regional Conference of the UUA.  (I think I got its name right...)  Over 650 of us gathered at a hotel conference center for worship, networking, workshops, UU shopping, more networking, and more worship.  I left singing the anthem of the conference in my heart --Holly Near's "I Am Willing"-- promising to myself to "get religion, cross borders, grow leaders," and generally feeling hopeful about our religious movement.

It was exciting to hear Rev. Christine Robinson express very clearly an analysis of the way we have been and the way we need to be, thoughts that crystallized some things I have thought and expressed in bits and pieces, all laid out for a large gathering to take in.  Why couldn't I have been so clear?  But I hope I have been clear enough for the congregations I have served.  She used the story of coyote, a story I have used myself because I am a fan of Lewis Hyde, and coyote appears provocatively in his book Trickster Makes This World.  It's a story about adapting to changing circumstances.  Coyote is thriving because she has adapted to a new environment ("dining on poodles in Beverly Hills," to quote Lewis Hyde).  Wolf, in contrast, is on the edge of extinction, having stayed in packs and not converted to a solo strategy.  This photo is desert coyote, because Rev. Robinson is from Albuquerque. We have them here in Colorado, and I knew them also in New England when I was there.  Their presence in Beverly Hills I only know by rumor.

Rev. Robinson went on to describe how our environment has changed from one that promotes church attendance and membership to one that does not.  From one in which it was suitable for us to be the thinking person's alternative to traditional church ("I respect your religious freedom") to one where that makes no sense at all.  Younger people these days are likely to think of themselves as "spiritual but not religious," (SNR) while our older way of being church might best be described as "religious but not spiritual."  That's exactly the opposite of what SNR's are looking for.  Extinction, or at least a need  to be protected by an Endangered Religions Act, will be our fate if we keep on in our old way.

A new way that might suit us is to offer a gathering that is "spiritual but not dogmatic," according to Robinson, and I agree totally.  My experience with welcoming new people into our congregations is that they are hungry for company on their spiritual journeys and eager to be challenged to bring their best selves to the world.  We can make a way that is authentically Unitarian Universalist by affirming our spiritual roots and our long heritage of appreciating the spiritual truth in all religions, a way that is spiritual but not dogmatic, lifting up a beacon to show a religion that is not like the ones they had decided they didn't want.  Having company on the journey, a community of support in times of challenge, people to lean on and be leaned on by, that's the important benefit we can offer SNR's.  I believe this might be our moment if we can seize this change and make it ours.

One important thing I've noticed, though, is that people don't know about us.  Conservative Christians have given religion a bad name, and people think we are like them.  When I visited a religion class at the local community college to talk about Unitarian Universalism, they were surprised to learn about our active role in promoting LGBT rights -- how could a religion be for love relationships in same-sex couples?  Makes perfect sense to me, coming from the inside of our faith, but these young people had tarred us with the brush of what they thought about "church" in general and crossed us off their lists.  We really need to be out there explaining ourselves to the world, and in a way the SNR's can understand.  I'm wondering how we can do more of that, more efficiently, more effectively, but we can surely start by telling people one to one, or daring to stand up and do it in front of a group of people who don't know us, or by just being who we are and saying "this is what Unitarian Universalism looks like."