When the Middle is the End

Like many others of my generation, I turned to ministry later is life.  Now, with "normal" retirement age in the rearview mirror, I feel as if I am reaching the middle of my career in ministry.  This is a wacky place to be!

When speaking with my investment advisor about retirement, he said "Hold on!  You'll get there!" as if I must be eager to be finished working.  I assured him I am still having a lot of fun in my work and did not feel at all ready to retire. But retirement could present itself at any time at this age -- changes in health and energy could make it imperative. So the end is near... in some sense, I'm just stalling.

I have been working and learning and developing my judgment about how congregations work, what helps people pastorally, how to nourish myself and others spiritually, and much else.  I feel strong and competent, not old and tired.  And at the same time, I'm aware of being old and if not tired, at least a little less energetic. So there it is, the end and the middle at the same time!

I am tempted to ask, "What kind of capstone does this career arc have?"  But then I don't really answer.  Thinking too hard about this sort of thing has not served me particularly well.  I am drawn forward by the work itself, and so far, so good.  The challenge is to trust that the blending of middle and end will develop naturally.  I count my blessings, because this kind of thing can and does happen to people who started something at a "regular" age... When cancer calls, in particular, it can become necessary to wind things up just as the going seemed to be getting good. I truly am grateful to have this chance to have this problem.  I just want to handle it well.

My sermon this weekend has to do with the Odyssey. Quite apart from the message of the sermon, I'm remembering that when Odysseus finds his father for the first time as he is returning from being away for twenty years, the old man is tending some young fruit trees he has planted.  This is an image that guides me -- I may not be a party to all the harvests from the trees I plant and tend,. but I love the little trees and hope they grow, all the same.  Planting and tending.  It's a good way to make a life.  And there's no reason for an older person to stop doing it.