Sometimes It's a Blue Christmas

            It was Elvis who sang a long, long time ago about a blue, blue Christmas, the kind that happens when what you thought was true love is no longer true.  It’s an apt name for the kind of season some of us may be having.  Maybe this is the first Winter Holiday season since a dear one in your family has died, when all the old traditions bring back memories of times when you were all together, sharing the special joys of the season.  Or maybe there has been a separation, estrangement, divorce from someone living—a partner, a child, someone else-- with whom you used to share these times.  Or maybe you are living in a different place, at loose ends when the holiday comes around, missing everyone who used to be around to share the holidays. 

For some people the holidays are always “hellidays,” a time to get together with people who routinely misconduct themselves, but whom you still love. 

Here are my basic suggestions --gathered from a variety of sources--if your holiday season is going to be a challenging one.

1.  Accept is as it is and plan accordingly.  If you are in a time of loss, do give yourself time for sadness.  Reflect on what traditions will bring comfort, and what will bring pain.  If the painful ones are important anyway, allow extra time before and after to deal with your feelings. If you know family members are going to misbehave, make plans not to expose yourself to the misbehavior by limiting time together.  Rehearse responses that will deflect the arguments you don’t want to have.

2.  Make time for spiritual practice and sleep.  If you don’t do meditation or other formal spiritual practice, plan to take a walk or go to the gym regularly.  Especially walk if you can.  Limit television viewing and other media  Plan to get to bed on time, and really try to make the last half hour before bed a relaxing one. Keeping your days and evenings on an even keel will help you manage your feelings and make good choices.

3. Moderation.  It’s easy to eat and drink too much at the holidays, and if you are feeling troubled, it’s even easier.  Make plans to find alternatives to overeating and over-drinking and stick to them.  Remember, alcohol is a depressant.  If you are depressed already, it will not help. Oh, yes, and avoid overspending, too.  The stuff you buy will not fill the hole in your life any more than another helping of mince pie will. 

4.  Find new traditions.  If there’s an empty place in your holidays, or a gap created by deciding not to spend time in unpleasant company, look around for new traditions.  A good place to look is to volunteer opportunities.  Can you help at the soup kitchen or the food pantry, or join the crew for a community dinner?  Helping others has two benefits – yes, it really does help others, and then, too, it helps you by turning your attention away from yourself. 

5.  Do take time for mourning whatever loss is involved in your blue holiday.  But also take time for gratitude.  Even the worst of times has some blessing in it.  The sun still rises and fills the sky with beauty.  There is much to think about with gratitude, even now.  Allow your sorrow and pain to be interwoven with gratitude and even joy.   It may not be a happy season, but it can at least be mixed!